Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He did a backflip because drugs
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