His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
