Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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