Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
