trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So much rum. So many feels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
