Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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