The maid of honor just puked.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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