My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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