he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
