dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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