also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
