I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is wine microwaveable?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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