I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
