i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
