Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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