so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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