Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
