I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
