you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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