you guys were way drunker than both of me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
