It was confusing and full of hummus
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
