need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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