I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
