theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
