In America we eat man semen.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
