you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
