When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
