I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Pooping to opera.
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