At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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