1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
