Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
