i think my tv is drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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