Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
