I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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