You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
