the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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