this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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