I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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