Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
