she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
