i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
