My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
