They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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