margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
