it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
