So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
