you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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