Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
