Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
