If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
