thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
